It's 2016. And there's a part of me that is terrified. But this part of me is the smallest it's ever been. Probably due to a whirlwind 6 years in music that make any rollercoaster ride look like a walk on the beach. But still, this year, it's a little different.
For the first time, I walked away from steady work to take extra time to pursue my songwriting career and band. From Colorado. Which is meaningful. We can't move, we have to stay here. And all the industry analysts assure me, I can only become a successful songwriter in Nashville, or LA. I don't have a shot. So I'm jumping off the proverbial cliff. Choosing to believe that a way will be made where one doesn't exist yet.
The old me would have called this crazy, nuts, temporary insanity, a risk to run after the riskiest business in the world, a failed decision. That old bat is still tinkering around in my head, holding onto that fear like a bitter old woman in denial that her life is almost over. But it is.
Not because I know what is going to happen. Not because I have it all figured out. That fear mongerer is breathing her last breath, because I took this step. I'm running after my dream. Not hobbling, not spending my extra time on it, I'm actively pursuing it with all of the energy I can give it. I'm the Optimism Superhero. Optimism lady. Well, three quarters of the time, at least.
The Old Bat says, "But dreams don't pay the bills."
Optimism says, "But maybe they can!"
Old Bat, "But maybe they won't."
Optimism lady, "But maybe they will!"
Bat, "But maybe you're not good enough."
Optimus Mom Hero "But maybe I am!"
Bat, "But maybe, even if you are good enough, nobody will buy your music. People don't buy music anymore."
Optimism Lady, "I will find a way."
Will I find a way? I need to pay the bills, feed my kids, go to the dentist. But I also need to teach my kids a sense of adventure, what it means to take a risk, how to dream and pursue a dream. I think so many people have this discussion with themselves.
We were made to live and walk in hope. So I'm writing this with every intention of stamping out that final flicker of fear.
Optimism lady chose this year to make her big break. Boy, I hope she does it. See you on the other side;)
Your friend Rachel from the family of Dearling.